Your first Christmas without your mum or dad – part 5: Don’ t drink and grieve
Now I don’t want to sound like your grandma here…..but……..the last blog in this Christmas series is a simple tip about something we always think will help…but never does. Drinking.
If this is your first Christmas without your mum or dad or someone else you love and you’ve been worried about how the day will go, then one of the simplest and most important things you can do to make the day easier on you is to mind your alcohol intake.
Now I am not going to be totally boring and impractical and tell you not to drink anything – that can be very difficult on Christmas. But it will help you to limit how much you drink.
Alcohol is a well-documented mood altering depressant drug. It’s a downer. Think about it – you have a drink at the end of a hard day to chill you out. Alcohol lowers your mood. It might not always feel like it…but it does. And if you don’t feel the full effects when drinking you certainly will later in the day or the next day.
So have a drink or two with your friends and family if you want to of course. I’m not saying to go teetotal for the day – that can be pushing it for a lot of us. But when it comes to more than those couple ask yourself whether you need to feel lower. Whether drinking a depressant is going to ultimately make the day easier……..or harder. And then decide.
This is not just a tip for Christmas when you’re grieving. It’s for any time at all when you are trying to keep your moods stable. Alcohol is not your friend in this endeavour.
Also it can take you out of the space of being able to focus on the people around you and enjoying their company. And there is potentially joy, fun and laughter to be had on the day….so long as you allow it. 
I hope you’ve found this blog series helpful. Lots of people have emailed me in the last couple of weeks with other questions and worries about their first Christmas without their mum or dad or someone else they have lost. Please feel free to do the same. I am here if you need me.
Also I have recently put together two booklets - one is tips for people who have just lost a parent or someone else they love, on how to get through each day. The other is about the 7 biggest myths about grief that will keep you stuck in pain. They are both yet to go up on my blog…….I will get around to it in the new year. But in the meantime, if you would like either one of them for free they will be my Christmas gift to you. Just email me at kristie@kristiewest.com and let me know which one you would like and I will send it to you.
I hope you do have a good Christmas and enjoy the time with the family and friends that are with you on the day.
Lots of love,
Kristie
xx
{ 4 comments… read them below or add one }
My beloved mother died three weeks ago and I have been dreading this first Christmas without her. How I wish I had discovered your series earlier! I have just read through all your advice this Christmas morning and it has really helped me put things in perspective and given me the strength to get on with the day. Thank you Kristie for your wise and compassionate words. I will be following your blog in the days and weeks to come as I journey through my grief at the loss of my Mum.
Hi Marie,
I’m very pleased you found my blogs and that they helped you. I hope you had a good Christmas and managed to have time for your mum as well as for yourself and other people in your life.
I’d love to hear how the day went for you.
If there is any topic around your mum’s death that I haven’t written about but you’d like to read about then let me know – I blog very regularly so am always looking for new ideas of what to write about.
Kristie
xx
My Dad died two and a half months ago, and I was having the whole “not-feeling-anything” reaction up until my work Christmas party. Guess how it went!
Oh God. Drinking and grief go together like the most embarrassing thing that has ever happened to you ever! Ask me how I know.
Hi Megan,
Oh I can certainly guess! This is one of the times that you can get away with this type of thing – some of the people you work with would still have been very aware how recent your dad’s death was…and will put it down to that. ………Otherwise you’ve gotta chalk this one up to experience.
I got myself into some doozie situations by combining grief and alcohol in the months after dad died. Most I laugh at now…but some are still a little cringe-worthy!! If we ever meet we can swap stories.
Hope Christmas was good for you and your family and that you found a good way to include your dad in the day.
Kristie
xx