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Finding life in death….seeing the good in the bad….searching for the gifts in your loss.

Finding life in death, seeing the good in the bad, searching for the gifts in your loss

One of the most important parts of the process I take my clients through when they have lost a parent or someone they love is to help them see the good things that come out of a death, the gifts of the experience.

Does that sound utterly insane, disrespectful and impossible to you?

Yes I expect it does.  Bear with me.

Before you can ever do that you have to know why you are doing it. The idea of finding good in a death or seeing that you received gifts out of the loss of someone so dear to you can feel so wrong and so dishonourable and just so foreign to your way of thinking.  And under these circumstances you will never look for it. And so you will never find it. And you will miss out on truly acknowledging and embracing some amazing changes, lessons and growth in your life.  All created by the person you have lost.

But there is an even bigger reason to do this.  If you don’t want to look for the gifts for yourself, then do it for them.

This isn’t about saying ‘look at what I got’, it’s about saying ‘look at the difference they made’.  When you can see the good that comes out of someone’s death you honour them in an even greater way, you acknowledge the amazing difference they made in this world, not just through their life but even in their death (because that’s how amazing they were).

When you can see how their death contributed to the closeness of your family, the shifts in direction in your life, the greater awareness of other’s about different illnesses, or the growth/power/freedom of yourself or others affected by this loss, then you give their death meaning.  And when you see the meaning in their death, their life has even greater meaning.  Their memory lives on in a much different way.

Don’t allow any part of their existence to be remembered as a shame, a waste, or a pity. How is that a good way to remember someone you loved so much?  How is that a good way to be remembered?

Instead, honour them, love them, and remember them, for the amazing person they were, by allowing their legacy, the mark they made on this world, to be far greater than simply the pain they left you in.

I know I want to be remembered as far more than that. How about you?