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What you need to give up to hold on….

What you need to give up to hold on……

Recently I heard of a business owner who only hires people who have NEVER worked in his industry before. Why? Too many bad habits to undo. Too many unhelpful things they have already learned that they will need to unlearn first.

He has a very good point. Sometimes the biggest barrier in anything in our lives is not what we don’t yet know…but what we already know. The things we think and believe shape our experience more than most people realise.

And this couldn’t be more true than in the way we experience the death of someone we love. Most of what we have learned, most of what we think we know, is incredibly unhelpful and, sadly, untrue.

There is a very good reason why the idea of G.R.I.E.F (the journey from pain and loss to Gratitude, Real connection, Inspiration, Empowerment and Freedom from pain) after a death, and the idea of how quickly this can happen for you, is totally foreign to most people. Because it goes against everything we have learned.

To be able to move to a place where you can think about them, talk about them and love them without it hurting at all you must be prepared to start with a clean slate in terms of what you believe about GRIEF.

So…every time you catch yourself thinking about some ‘fact’ about GRIEF….say to yourself “maybe that isn’t true”. You don’t need to be able to explain why  it isn’t true or what is true instead (though I can answer both of those for you).  The important thing is that you just don’t buy in so quickly to all the stuff you ‘know’ about GRIEF.


And the ‘box’ in this case is any ideas about stages of grief, or ideas about time healing, or it taking a certain amount of time, or almost any other fixed idea you might have about what GRIEF is, how it works, and what can happen with it.  Free yourself from whatever beliefs you are holding and your free yourself up to go in a positive direction you may not be able to imagine possible now.   You can allow amazing change to happen.