The death of Amy Winehouse. Why it isn’t a waste and it isn’t a shame.
Delayed reaction, I know, but it’s a week since Amy Winehouse was found dead in her flat and there is one particular thing that has been playing on my mind. That is the way that most of what I read refers to the end of her life as a ‘waste’ and a ‘shame’.
Now I know that most see this as respectful – as acknowledging that this ‘shouldn’t’ have happened, that she was ‘too young’, and ‘had so much more to do’ – but, not unusually, my view is very different.
I find the description of her death as a waste quite disrespectful actually. In saying that it’s a waste we are saying she should have done more, that she didn’t have time to make enough of a difference, that she didn’t live enough or give enough. Now, how is that the best way way to be honoured and remembered? For all that you didn’t (and will never) do.
The reality is that she is gone. She will not have the opportunity to make more music, do more tours, and inspire more people with beautiful new lyrical creations. Everything she was ever going to do (at least as ‘Amy Winehouse’) she has done. To spend the rest of forever saying that there should have been more is to ignore the facts, and to disregard all that she did do.
Her life was 27 years of good times, bad times, love, beauty, pain, challenge, and inspiration. Instead of mourning all the years she didn’t get, that she will never get, honour her by seeing what an impact she had in that time, the amazing things she achieved, the people she loved, and the world she inspired. The world she continues to inspire.
Nothing about her was a ‘waste’. Is that how you would want to be remembered if your life ended suddenly tomorrow? For everyone to focus on all the stuff you didn’t do? Remember her and honour her…….. for all that she did, all that she was, and all that she gave.
“Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take but by the moments that take our breath away.” -Unknown.
Do we really want to be measuring life by days? Is the number of years you live really any indicator of how you have lived and what you have given back? It isn’t about just ticking off the days in the diary so that you know you had a full life. And Amy Winehouse provided plenty of moments to take the world’s breath away.
And I’m sure you know I’m not just talking about Amy Winehouse. Not everyone gets 90 years. Not everyone gets 1 day. Not everyone is meant to. But everyone makes a difference in the time they have. Everyone.
As always if you have anything to say, share, ask…please go ahead and comment below.
Kristie
xx
{ 13 comments }
wow… i love your perspective on thie xx changed my mind xx
Great comments. Never really thought about it like that. I don’t want to be remembered by what I did not do. Thanks. Making me think about death differently
Thanks Sarah xx
Thanks for the comment Desmond. Glad to get you thinking a bit differently. 🙂
My brother died when he was 17 and rather focus on the things he didn’t do or will never have the chance to do I decided to focus on what impact he’d had in the time he was here. Rather than think of how his life was cut short I chose to believe that he lived a full life for him. I truly think that if we focus on what great things people achieved with their lives no matter how long or short we can let go of a lot of pain and sadness over their death 🙂 It’s so great to read this article!
Hi Tabitha, you’re so right – it’s about focusing on what they did in the time they had and what was important to them. Thanks for the comment!
Kristie, Thanks for ‘Not everyone gets 90 years, not everyone gets 1 day’. The quotation “Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take but by the moments that take our breath away”, that you used is so poignant for me. There were many moment over 36 weeks that Coco took my breath away and I marvelled at his creation and that is what I shall hold onto today. Rx
You’re welcome Rebecca. I was thinking of you when I wrote that. xx
A blast of fresh air. The quality of a life is not measured by its length. There is form of mass hysteria that swept the land when she died ‘so young, much more to give etc’. A life should, I agree should not be seen in what could possibly have been, but what was. As a lover of music, – while not failing to not speak ill of the dead, did anyone stop to think very few artists have more than a couple of decent ‘albums’ in them, and that Miss Winehouse might have made all the music she was ever going to make?
I beg to quote from Alfred Lord Tennyson’s ‘In Memoriam’:
I hold it true, whate’er befall;
I feel it, when I sorrow most;
‘Tis better to have loved and lost
Than never to have loved at all.
It took me a long long time to grasp the import of those lines. Now, I’m wiser and older, I’m of the mind that a brief love heart felt or a short life well lived is one for which we should be thankful.
Thanks Ade. I love that poem too. I know what you mean about taking a long time to grasp what that really means – it’s one of those things you nod wistfully to for years before one day truly getting what it means – that it’s about honouring what you have had…for however long that may have been. Thanks for the reminder. xx
As always you challenge the status quo and redefine the perception of death. I think many people say it’s a “waste” because they want to warn other young people about the dangers of drugs. The label is a warning a parent might use to with their child to show how “if she wasn’t a drug addict she would have lived longer”. Do you think this needs to be said? If we give her credit without naming her tragic addictions, will kids try to follow in her footsteps? What are your thoughts?
PS: I was once walking down the street with a very wealthy business man. A homeless man came up (drunk) and asked for some spare change. My friend gave him $100. I said to him “why did you give the guy $100 when he’s addicted and will just spend it on alcohol?”. To which he replied “Firstly, we are all addicted, it’s just that society has rewarded my addiction; But make no mistake I am as addicted as he is. Secondly, we were going to spend that money on alcohol too.”… It was probably the best lesson I ever got on the topic.
Good question Dan. I think whenever someone young dies (or at least anyone who isn’t ‘old enough to die yet’) it often gets called ‘a waste’ no matter how it happened, but you’re right – there is a different edge to it when it is due to something like drugs, rather than an accident or illness. I agree that her addiction and death should be part of her story – indeed, it’s a good example to kids that being ‘rich and famous’ brings it’s own sets of pain with it.
I think the lesson can be stated though without it ever having to be called ‘a waste’. I’ve worked with people who’ve lost parents to accidents, illness, murder, suicide…..and I wouldn’t want anyone’s death (and hence life), no matter how it happened, have the word ‘waste’ attached to it. I think Amy’s story can be told and her life and death can serve as an example….without taking any of the meaning away from who she was and how she mattered.