How to really, truly, honestly, journal through your pain when you’ve lost someone you love.
Most of us these days are well-versed in the benefits of journalling/diary-ing/gratitude journalling etc. You may journal regularly, you may have dipped into journalling from time to time, or you may never have written a word of your private thoughts on paper before.
If someone you love has died this can be a great time to start or get back into it. And if you do journal regularly already I am going to suggest something a little different to what you normally do.
Journalling is a beautiful way to slow down and pay attention to what is going on in your head when you’ve lost someone. It’s an opportunity to take some time to acknowledge what is happening for you, especially if you’ve been blocking it all out with TV, people, wine, etc, etc. And this is important.
But there is one there here that I’ll recommended in G.R.I.E.F. journalling that is slightly different to regular journalling. And it will require a shredder. Or a match.
There is so much in the initial parts of G.R.I.E.F.we don’t admit to or aren’t allowed to admit to. So many thoughts and feelings going on, and not all fit the socially accepted grief-norm of pain and sadness. There can be numbness, relief, joy, forgetting etc etc etc….all things that go on for us but that we have a hard time admitting to ourselves (without feeling guilty as sin) let alone admitting to others. If you were to say these feelings out loud they are the sort of things that you put “this might sound terrible but…..” before. (Just for the record, they may sound terrible to you, or to others, but not at all to me. These feelings, all of them, are totally natural and normal. You might think you feel them and the next person doesn’t, but I promise you that you are not the only one……you just might be one of the only ones brave enough to admit it).
So here’s what you can do with G.R.I.E.F. journalling. Take some time every morning or night (whichever works better for you) to get a piece of paper and write down what you’re feeling. Exactly what you are feeling. Not what you think you should be feeling. Don’t censor anything either. The angry, hurt, happy, sad, relieved, confused, painful, nothing, or numb thoughts. Write it all down. Just let it all bluuuurgh out of you.
And then…
burn it , shred it or rip it into little pieces. This isn’t to negate what you’ve written, or to wash it away or release it (though there may be something cathartic in this process). I suggest you do this very simply because when you know that no-one else will ever see what you have written it gives you the total freedom to write down and admit to some of the things you may not otherwise. Now some people feel absolutely fearless about what they write in their journals but, from what I’ve seen, it’s very common when writing to be just that tiny bit aware that one day someone else might get a peek at what was going on in your head. And this can mean you do a little censoring.
It’s very important to be able to acknowledge what is going on for you – whatever it looks like. Because I can promise you that any thought or feeling you have that you are less-than comfortable with won’t go away if you ignore it. It will just get buried and have guilt attached to it….which becomes part of the pain that you identify as your G.R.I.E.F.
If it’s also important to you to keep a proper record of events then by all means continue your regular journal as well. You don’t need to burn that one too. 🙂
Try it….and let me know how you go.
I always love hearing from you….so feel free to hit the comment box below.
Kristie
xx
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