‘About Time’ – full of life (and death) lessons

Last week I was on a plane on my journey from the UK to New Zealand to visit ‘home’ for the first time in years.

One thing I like about flying is that I am ‘forced’ to just sit and watch movie after movie.  That’s pretty much it.  On long-haul flights I find the time like lala-land. I’m not that focused and am generally feeling pretty tired so reading is out, as is doing any work. Movies become my default option…and I have generally forgotten what I watched by the time I land, as well as what I have eaten or how much I may have slept.  See…lala-land.  But ‘About Time’ made a big impression on me that has really stuck.  And it takes a lot for a movie to do that in the middle of 28 hours of travel.

The basic gist of the movie is that a young man, Tim, learns on his 21st birthday that all of the men in his family have the same special ability – they can travel back in time – and follows his adventures through life and all it sends his way.

This movie seemed a bit of a light rom-com, hence my choosing of it, and one one level it was, but at the same time it offered some very deep and important thoughts about life and death and how we live.

Now that quick sum-up is nothing you won’t see or hear in any preview video or review…but I am about to dish out some serious spoilers…..so if you really want to watch this movie but haven’t yet got around to it then I suggest you go do that (like right now) before reading another word …and then come back.  You have been warned 😉

Three things stood out for me and are what made such a big impact:

1.  Tim’s dad, before he dies, shares a couple of his trade secrets with Tim. He tells Tim to live each day.…and then go back and live each day again. This is because the first day you tend to be at the mercy of whatever is happening, unsure, stressed, reactive.  Maybe not paying attention…and certainly not appreciating the little things.  The point of the second day is to go back and really appreciate it, to look in the eyes of the people talking to you, to listen to them, to smile and laugh at what is happening in your day….all the stuff you might miss the first time.  The second time Tim can relax into the day and enjoy everything he missed the first time.

Tim says that within time he doesn’t need to live each day twice anymore as he starts to live it the first time consciously, with awareness, and with gratitude, without getting caught up in the stress or pressure of everything.   Living the day once becomes enough once he starts living it differently.

I love this – remembering to slow down, to appreciate the little things.  To imagine that you’ve already done this day before and that the point this time is to take it all in, step back from the stress…and appreciate.  To smile, to love, to thank, and to not get so bogged down in the small stuff.  Or even in the big stuff.

Now it would be a big ask to expect everyone to live like this 24-7, but even to be a little more present in each day…or every other day…would still be an amazing shift for many and would honour the limited time we have in this life and the moments that pass that we can never experience again.

2.  Tim’s dad dies of cancer in the movie. (I told you – spoilers).  At one point, Tim asks his dad about the way he has used his own gift and how he has chosen to travel back and change things. His dad explains that after he had been given his cancer diagnosis he travelled back and retired early to spend time with his family in the years before he died, which is the reality Tim had experienced.  Many people live unconsciously in situations they are not happy with, banking on ‘one day’ when things will be magically better.  Counting on an unwritten guarantee ( that they do not actually have) that they will live till very old age, so they have time now to be distracted by the things that wouldn’t necessarily be as important if they knew their time was limited.

Tim’s dad had the ability, once he was given a terminal diagnosis, to travel back and live his life differently.  The rest of us (or at least I) do not have this ability.  Many of us will not realise it is the day we are to die…until the day we are to die.

If you knew that you had 20 years, or 5 years, or 1 year, or 6 months left….would you be living differently?  And if so then that is something to think pretty carefully about….as there really is no telling whether you have 20 years, or 5 years, or 1 year, or 6 months…  Every day is precious.  Every day is a gift.  And you will not know if tomorrow is yours too…until tomorrow. So how are you choosing to live today on this day: the only day of your life?

And last but not least….

3.  There comes a point in the movie where Tim realises he can no longer go back to visit his dad, as he has been doing since his dad’s death.  To do so would change his children – literally, he could come back to completely different children than he left, as each change has a butterfly effect.  So once his second child is born he realises he will not go back to visit his dad in the past ever again.

Nooooow, this is not to say you have to let go of people in your life who have died.  On the contrary, it is the pain that needs to be let go of before you can truly step forward and embrace the life stretching out before you.  Contrary to popular belief, you do not need the pain to remember them, pain does not equate to love, and actually, ironically, it is the other way round – it is far easier to remember and love someone when it no longer hurts you to do so.  But many people will take up residence in their grief – imagining this is where they access, connect to, and remember those they love who have died.  This is not a fulfilling way to live, it is not a way to keep someone’s memory alive…and it isn’t much of a legacy for them either.

Just like Tim did, at some point you have to be prepared to let of your past, because if you cling to it you do so at the expense of your future…and who knows what wonderful things may be coming your way once your hands and heart are open again.

Let go of what was….to allow what will be.

K

xx

Tagged as: About Time, grief, Life and death lessons