Taking time for yourself

Taking time for yourself

I realised something pretty crazy about myself a couple of weeks ago.

My trusty mac computer (my portal to the world, where a lot of my friends live, and where all of my business lives) slipped quietly into a coma on a Friday night.  I tried turning it off and on…a ridiculous number of times. I googled (through my trusty iPhone) to find out all the suggested solutions , tried a few of them out and got precisely nowhere.

So I booked in at the local Apple store for 2 days later…and found myself really enjoying having almost 2 full days of no laptop action.  I realised then that this doesn’t happen.  Ever.  I can’t remember a single day since I started doing this work that I haven’t opened my laptop…to do a liiiiittle bit of work, to just send a couple of important emails, to just look at Facebook…you know…just because…

Then when I went to the store and the guy magically fixed it and it didn’t cost me a thing….I felt disappointed. It turns out I was secretly hoping for it to need to go off somewhere and be fixed i.e. a few more days off for me.   So I took the opportunity over my birthday week to take 4 whole days off.  Shock horror.  While the first couple of days were so lovely and relaxing, the last couple I found myself slipping back into my ‘what I’ll do later’ thoughts. Turns out I might need some practise with this time-off stuff!

And it occurred to me how utterly ridiculous that is.  I don’t ever take a complete day off work. Not once a week, not once a month, not even once every 6 months. In fact I think the last time I did was Christmas by default, because that’s a day that I don’t feel I’m expected to be working…though the laptop still got opened to at least check emails.  Don’t get me wrong – it isn’t that I’m consistently working crazy hours.  There are days when I’ll do a tiny bit of work.  Sometimes none at all.  But always in the not-so-far back of my mind are the things I should be doing, the blogs I ought to be writing, the task I promised someone, the emails that need responding too, the planning that I meant to do, the things I will complete just a little bit later in the day…or late that night…or as soon as I get home…….and these thoughts shadow whatever else I might be doing.  What I am not doing is taking protected days off, where I decide that no work will be done till the next day, and  enjoy whatever I am enjoying without thoughts of what I need to work on later. Apparently my computer has to shut itself off for that to happen.

And it really shouldn’t be up to my computer to give me a day off.

Now I love my work beyond words…but there are also other things I love and I do exist outside of my grief work.  So when I found myself explaining to a friend that I was actually going to have some days off….it was only as the words came out of my mouth that I could understand just how truly ridiculous it is that this is a strange concept for me.

I’m always talking about the need for self-love if you want to truly heal from grief. There are 3 parts to healing totally. The first is some simple self-love as a foundation.  The second is clearing all the blocks and beliefs that keep you stuck. The third is looking at the death differently from all different angles until you see the meaning, beauty and purpose of it.  The third step can’t happen if you haven’t fully done the second. And neither of these can happen at all if you haven’t bothered with step one.

That is how important self-love is.  And it certainly doesn’t just apply to grief. It applies to…well…everything. You want anything in life to change then self-love is the foundation to start from.

I wanted to share this as I bet I’m not the only one who needs the reminder to create time and space just for myself. So if this is sounding a little familiar it’s worth thinking about where you might need to gift yourself some time and space too.

This isn’t a selfish thing.  If you are thinking about the impact on others of you having time to yourself then look at it this way: when you don’t take care of, love yourself and refuel, it impacts how you show up in the world, it impacts how well you are able to do what you are here to do, it impacts what you are able to give others (you cannot give what you don’t have), and it impacts what you are able to teach others (thinking you can teach those you love to love themselves more when you don’t have it going on is like thinking you can teach them German when you only speak English…it aint going to work).

And from that perspective it would be selfish not to love yourself and create time and space for you.

So, if you’re anything like me and need to gift yourself some time, space and love…then just do it. Don’t leave it up to your computer to break down, your boss to tell you to take time off, or your health to shut you down before you do it (because it will if it has to).  It doesn’t have to be a whole day off if that isn’t doable or if, realistically, you won’t stick to it.  Just a few protected minutes to yourself regularly to start with will have more of an impact that you can even imagine…until you try it.  I promise you,  for something so simple (which means it’s also very simple not to do) the different it makes is magical.

You need it.  You deserve it.

Kristie

xx

Tagged as: bereavement, death, grief, time for yourself