The death of Jess Ainscough – the Wellness Warrior

The death of Jess Ainscough – the Wellness Warrior

Over the last week I’ve been seeing loads of posts and articles about the death of Jess Ainscough AKA The Wellness Warrior.

In a nutshell, from what I’ve read, Jess was 30 years old when she died, had had cancer for 7 years, chose to go the ‘alternative’ route rather than conventional chemo, etc.  She was very well known for her work and blog sharing natural health info.  And she died last week.

Now, I don’t know Jess (so forgive me if I got any of the details above slightly off – just going on what I’ve read). I never had any interaction with her. In fact I wasn’t even aware of her work until my Facebook newsfeed became filled with news of her death…and then the articles that followed.  But there was one thing in particular about what I read that inspired me to write this post.

It’s around the endless arguments and suggestions about what she should and shouldn’t have done. Many people have jumped on the bandwagon, including some doctors, writing about how Jess chose not to follow conventional treatment and, in their opinion, that this was misguided and that she would have had a better chance of survival had she followed doctors’ advice.  I didn’t intend to comment on this particular part…..buuuuut I just can’t let it go by without at least saying…..are you freaking kidding me?!  If someone wrote an article or blog every time someone was going through chemo, radio, and surgery and still died, as proof that these don’t work, we would be overwhelmed by the sheer volume of articles, most of us would be writing these articles ourselves (as who doesn’t know someone that has still died after conventional treatment?!), and people would be asking a lot more questions and this wouldn’t be such an automatic choice.  There – my 2 cents, had to get that in.

But that isn’t what I want to talk about.

As well as all the talk about how she ‘should’ have gone for conventional treatment and this would have been better, I’ve also seen loads of comments from the natural health community. Many are supportive of her….but then there are also many comments suggesting what she should have done differently. In particular that she perhaps didn’t do deep enough personal work and that this would have saved her.  Or that she was go greatly affected by the death of her mum (and my guess would be that, like most people, Jess didn’t realise she could heal completely and didn’t know how) and that if she had worked through this perhaps then her death would have been prevented.

In both cases the basic suggestion is that she did the wrong things and if only she had made different choices i.e. the right things, she might not have died.  That if she could just have gotten the formula right she would have avoided death.

Both come from the underlying idea that death can ultimately be avoided.  That actually we are meant to live to old age and if we can just do the right things, make the right choices, and not screw things up, then we’ll definitely beat death and live till we’re old.  That a younger than hoped for death i.e. if you aint really old and wrinkly, isn’t meant to happen and you just have to figure out how to avoid it.

This is why I’m writing. This. This idea that death isn’t actually really meant to happen…at least not to anyone who isn’t like my grandmother – quietly counting down the 3 years till she’s due her telegram from the Queen.

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again (and again and again and again if necessary) – we have this life. There are no guarantees how long that will be – 100 minutes or 100 years.  We weren’t promised any particular number. Less that you’ve been told that you can expect is not a rip-off. It’s just part of the deal.

If you want to take a spiritual/religious route….then basically ‘your time is your time’.  If you’d prefer not to then look at it from the perspective that life is random and people die all the time from all manner of things at all manner of ages – always have, always will – what’s to say one of those people who don’t expect to die tomorrow but will…is you?

I see so many people now diagnosed with something – cancer is a perfect example – and go into ‘fight’ mode, rather than embracing the opportunity presented. Now I’m not suggesting you roll over, give up and die.  By all means, make your informed choices about what best treatment for you to follow if that is the route you are taking. But don’t pass by the opportunity to stop, face death, and review your life….because it may well be your last chance to. There is a big difference between people I know who have been diagnosed with cancer and, as well as whatever treatment they choose, have slowed down, used the opportunity to contemplate death, look at their life, see what is important and what changes they want/need to make now….AND those who go into ‘fight mode’ (and a valid question is ‘who are you fighting?’ Cancer isn’t an alien or parasite that climbed in your window and crawled up your nose. It’s part of your body, your body grew this as surely as it grew every other part of you. Your cancer is part of YOU.  Is fighting you really going to help?), refuse to contemplate death, looking ahead with blinkers on, calling this ‘positive thinking’….and then sometimes die having never stopped to appreciate their life, tell the people they love how much they do, and do what truly matters to them.

There is great value in asking yourself every year ‘if this was the last year of my life how would I want to spend it?’ Especially when death has tapped you on the shoulder and said hi (like it does if you’re diagnosed with cancer) whether or not you die from it or die from something else a very long way down the track.  Because one year it will be.

This isn’t a comment on what Jess did…as I said I had never followed her work so have no idea at all what her take on death was and whether she stopped to think about hers.  But this is what I see happening around me all the time….and largely because people think they don’t need to and shouldn’t face death, and if they just fight in the right way they’ll definitely live. While each and every one of us will have a story in our lives showing that this isn’t always the case.

So maybe there were no right and wrong choices.  Maybe Jess was going to die no matter what.  Maybe this was always when her life was going to end. The only relevant questions then are – did she enjoy the life she lived? Did she make it meaningful? Was she loved and did she love?  From what I’ve read the answers are all yes.

So what about you?  Have you ever taken the time to slow down and think about your death, especially if you’ve had a reminder of your mortality?  Because you are meant to die someday you know. I don’t know when and you probably don’t either.  And here’s what I can promise you – and history and science can back me up on this – ultimately you will not outdo death.  You are not meant to.  You are as much a part of nature as the fish in the ocean, the stars in the sky, the trees at the back of your house.  And as a part of nature, death is a perfect (and often completely unpredictable) part of your destiny.

Kristie

xx