You can’t take everyone else with you
I was chatting last week to a wonderful ex-client of mine who worked with me to heal from her grief after the death of her husband.
In our conversation she mentioned a family member who hasn’t been able to heal as she has or figure out the same lessons she did. She expressed her wish that he could find the healing she has.
It’s perfectly natural, when you’ve healed from your grief completely, to want the others around you who are affected by the same death to find the same peace, change and healing that you have.
I often say I wish I could just wander round tapping people on the head, like some kind of good healing pixie (but without any glitter), and have them heal just like that! If only it worked like that. But alas it doesn’t.
Each person has their own path to travel. Some will do the healing work now. Some will do it further down the track. And most never do (largely because they don’t believe it’s possible). And this is for them to choose. Each of us is responsible for our own path.
It’s very common once you’ve healed from grief to want to share with friends and family members and encourage them too. But don’t be disheartened if it doesn’t come to anything. The seed you’ve planted may bear fruit in time. Also….just to prepare you…it may not. I’m pretty sure there isn’t a single person in my family who actually understands that I healed my grief and that I help others do this. This is isn’t something that resonates with them or that they want at present. And that’s ok.
Believe me, I know it can be SO frustrating when you realise how totally different life can be and want others to embrace that too.
Let it go. And heal the only person that it’s in your power to heal – you.
I watched a talk by Lisa Nichols where she said often the problem can be that when it comes to growth, success, and happiness you want to walk through the door….but that you want to take everyone with you. And you can’t. You can only make those choices and take that journey yourself. She said what you can do after you’ve been through is come back for those people and help them if they want.
In the case of healing from grief this means you can be an example. Let them see what’s possible. And share with them if they ask.
But they don’t have to. And they may not ever. That doesn’t change that you can.
The good thing is that this isn’t like you moving to another country or speaking another language where you can no longer connect with those around you who haven’t healed. It’s more like getting fit and healthy when those around you don’t. You can your your thing. They can do theirs. But it doesn’t affect how you connect and whether you can be part of each others lives.
I remember someone who came to me once not because she actually wanted to heal for herself, but because she wanted to heal so that she could help her kids to heal. You can see the issues with this. You can’t make anyone else heal. And you have to want to do it yourself for yourself or you aren’t going to do what it takes.
So don’t worry what everyone else chooses or where they’re at. In terms of their healing the very best thing you can do for them is heal your own grief and then be a shining example of that so, should they choose to follow that path, they can see the possibilities.
Much love,
Kristie
xx
