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You need to consciously cultivate joy.

I was watching a video of a friend yesterday and he said something that really struck me. He was talking about the importance of consciously turning to what you want, rather than always focusing on what you’re unhappy with and complaining about it. And he said that you have to consciously choose fun and happiness and joy, because they won’t just magically appear in the absence of pain and misery. You can’t just eradicate your pain and expect to find joy in its place.

This rings absolutely true for me, not just in my own experience, but also what I’ve observed in my wonderful clients and others around me.

It can be tempting to think that if you just heal your grief, well then…you’ll be happy! Unfortunately, it doesn’t work like that. If you happen to have any tendencies or habits or practises towards depression or anxiety, for example, then guess what, you’ll still have them in all likelihood. I found that one out the hard way. I did all the work to heal my grief and then still had my depression to deal with. The same depression I had been dealing with on and off for about 15 years at that time. I went on to heal that too (yes, something else you’ve been told that you can’t heal but that you actually can!) but it was a seperate journey to healing my grief.

If you are not someone who leans easily to joy, then this will take consciousness, awareness and practise. Whether in or out of grief.

If you are not someone who leans easily to fun and laughter, then this will take consciousness, awareness and practise. Whether in or out of grief.

If you are someone who spends much time focusing on what they aren’t happy with and complaining about it, then this will take consciousness, awareness and practise. Whether in or out of grief.

It can be done but it’s like any new habit. You need to focus and put your time and energy into it.

It all comes down to choice. No, you can’t just choose to be a happier person and expect it to magically happen. In the same way you can’t choose to lose 10 kilos and expect to wake the next day and have it have magically fallen off you in the night.

You can be a happier, more joyful person…but if you weren’t already a happier, more joyful person then it will take more than healing your grief.

Why not be a happier and more joyful person…who has also healed their grief? How’s that for an awesome combo?

Kristie

xx