Why I will NEVER stop telling you that you can heal completely from grief

Why I will NEVER stop telling you that you can heal completely from grief

A couple of weeks ago, after posting something about what it takes to heal from grief after a death on Facebook, I had something happen that is not unusual. I had someone (who openly stated they haven’t healed ) try to explain to me (who worked my butt off to heal completely from grief and now helps others who work their butts off to heal completely from grief), that healing from grief after a death is impossible and all the reasons why this is so, albeit politely and patiently. This person was clearly well-meaning and believed what they were telling me.

I look forward to the day when I can breathe through this easily but for now it still frustrates, infuriates, and upsets me, for a number of reasons:

-the logic behind it is crazy (‘I haven’t done this particular thing, and people I know haven’t done the thing….therefore the thing is impossible…and if I come across someone who says they have done the thing I shall explain to them why it is impossible too.’)
Very simply, if someone has achieved something you haven’t…then they have likely done what you haven’t to get there.

-I didn’t heal through time passing or months/years of therapy (though I gave that a shot initially). I wasn’t lucky. I didn’t wake up miraculously healed one morning. I didn’t have an easy run of it. Nope, I healed through a big commitment of time, money and a whole lot of energy in new practices and coaching that were unlike anything I had done before, and I worked bloody hard through them to get to where I am now – to where there is no grief at all.

-…and my clients do the same. They invest time, money and energy with me. They commit to our partnership and they work very, very hard through my G.R.I.E.F. process….and it pays off. And I feel very protective of them when I think of how committed they are, how determined and how hard-working they are …and how strange it is for them later when people (who haven’t done the work they have) try to explain to them that healing isn’t possible (happens to them all the time too).

There is a gift in everything…and the gift in this happening and the frustration I felt was that it made me so clear that I will NEVER stop telling you that you can heal. Never ever. Because I know from my clients and from my own experience that when you have the idea you want to heal and you go looking for someone who will tell you that you can…you will find person after person, expert after expert, professional after professional…who have not healed themselves… who will tell you you are wrong and that you can only accept it, manage your pain, learn to live with your grief. And it takes a hell of a strong conviction to keep looking through all that. I have one client who is convinced I am the only person in the world who believes in true healing from grief (I assure you I’m far from it, thank god!!) because when she started looking for help…and now, having done the work to heal, when she looks for kindred spirits out of interest….she has not found anyone else in her google searches that didn’t tell her she couldn’t get over it, that what she has done is impossible, that she could only live with grief.

And this is why I won’t shut up about it. And the more people who don’t know, and who haven’t done the work required, who try to tell me that healing is impossible, the louder I will be…for the sake of my own soul (and sanity), for the sake of my committed clients who inspire me more than anything, and for people like my client I mentioned….and like YOU, who so desperately want to hear the truth and have to look very very hard to find it.

Kristie
xx