Have you ever thought about the language you use around death?
My question for you today is about what language you use around death…and why. If you haven’t thought about it before then it might be high time!
This is something I’m pretty aware of as you hear about death all the time, even though you may not actually hear about ‘death’.
It may seem like it doesn’t really matter…but in actual fact the language we use has a very big impact on how we relate to death and how we can then understand and experience grief. And this is why it’s time for a change.
To check out what I’m talking about have a watch below…..
Much love,
Kristie
xx
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Kristie, great post and you look amazing! I am writing a book for chidden about just what you have talked about today because for them it is very confusing. Will keep you posted!
Thank you Kristie. My brother died 6 months ago and I have found it very difficult to say those dreaded “D” words, much preferring “passed”, “lost” etc. But I have been aware of my own discomfort of not being able to use the words death, died etc.
I can now see that using these “safe” words have kept me in a “safe” place, where death is not confronted or dealt with properly. You are 100% right, those “safe” words are the much gentler approach to death….but death is not gentle, it is a (sometimes) harsh reality with many layers.
I do agree that we live in a death denying society and that MUCH can be gained from breaking through this denial in terms of finding joy in the transitory nature of life, facing life the way it is, etc. etc.. However, I am one of those folks who do like “passed away” rather than “died” due to my Christian religious beliefs. I never really heard “passed over” (perhaps we don’t use it much in the U.S.) but I really like it! I don’t generally use any other words for birth, (when was so and so “pushed out”, ha!) but that is because I don’t really believe the soul was in existence before the baby is conceived or born although trust me, I concede I am not God so most certainly am not an authority on this matter! If I met someone who believed this, I would never try to argue with them about it because it’s a beautiful belief. I just don’t really share it. Ditto on reincarnation. I find using the words “passed over” etc.strengthens my religious conviction that death is not the end of everything for the person who died and I find it comforting. Sorry, that’s the way I feel. However, as usual your comments are most insightful and I appreciate them.
Fascinating. Thanks again. Lots of food for thought…. We definitely live in a death- denial culture. Personally, I use a lot of phrases and words, all depending on the context of the conversation. Eg., to say ” I deathed my wife!” would be totally bizarre. Instead I would say”I lost my wife”. I’ve never avoided the “d” words. Since “losing” my beloved, I’ve become obsessed with death and its meaning to life. On the other hand, context is everything – especially in conversation.
Kristie, you make a good point about the obsessive avoidance of the “d” words in our society, especially when euphemisms are used as a crutch for years. But also realize that a crutch is a very useful tool when dealing with an injury. You would not take a person with a broken ankle on crutches and lead him/her into tango step. When my wife died, any euphemism that a person used to avoid the “d” words was greatly appreciated by me, and the gentler the better. I didn’t need to be reminded in blunt terms of my children losing their mother and me losing a wife. Your advice if very good, once the “crutch” is no longer appropriate. You might want to consider the time frame for which you which you’re a advice is appropriate.
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