Has death created space for YOU?
A big part of healing is being able to see all the gifts this death has given you – all the good sides. Make no mistake – this takes work. It’s highly unlikely that you’ve been easily able to see them. Society’s unhelpful views on death and grief that most of us have been indoctrinated with ensure that we never even consider the option that there is any good. Let alone be able to find it. There is…but you’ll have to take the time to look.
One of the gifts of death can be that sometimes a death creates a necessary space in your life. For you.
When someone in your life is ‘everything’ to you, when they love you ‘more than anyone’, when they are your number one cheerleader, this can mean that they have also filled these roles for you i.e. that you haven’t had to love yourself (after all, they’ve been doing it for you so you may not have even noticed if you aren’t).
First and foremost you need to have YOUR OWN acceptance and love. To believe in yourself. To care for you. To trust yourself and your own wisdom. To think you are worth it. To have your own companionship and friendship. If you are not meeting any of these needs yourself it may be easy to hide this fact if you are getting them all met from someone or someones outside of you. But, and especially if it’s just one person, this makes you very vulnerable. And when they have died suddenly you see the hollowness and emptiness that was always there (that someone else was having to fill for you). It hurts, and feels awful and scary. But it is only from this space – when you feel sad, empty, alone, lost, unloved – that you can you recognise that you aren’t loving yourself (if this is indeed the case for you). That you’ve been completely outsourcing a very important job. And only here can you do something about it.
THIS is your opportunity to grow. To recognise and own that you need to be able to love and look after yourself, more than anyone else does. That this has been a missing area and that one of the gifts of this death is that now, RIGHT NOW, you are given the opportunity to slowly learn to take those roles back yourself.
You may not have had room in your life to learn to be your own centre, to find love and acceptance for yourself….but now this person has gifted this to you. It doesn’t matter if you believe they had any higher self/spirit/soul knowledge of this or if you think it’s just the way it turned out. It’s still a gift.
And know this: whatever good comes out of this, whatever growth you achieve….as you learn to love and depend on and trust yourself….all of this is a direct result of them. THEY helped you to create this. It doesn’t matter if they meant to or not. They helped you create whatever new growth and beauty you find in your life. Whatever challenges you overcome, whoever you become because of this, whatever new wonder shows up in your life, THEY played a very direct role in this.
xxx
