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The stories we tell

 The stories we tell


Ooo, don’t we humans love our stories?

We use them to explain who we are and why we do what we do. We use them to make sense of the world. We use them to connect  to others.

There’s nothing wrong with this. It’s one of the beautiful things about us – this glorious weaving of words and imagination.

The problem happens when we get hold of a painful or disempowering story and refuse to let it go, refuse to allow it to shift, fighting for it to stay exactly as it is.

Nothing is black and white, and we rarely see things as they truly are. We see them through all out beliefs and conditioning, our expectations and fears, our views of people and the world. We colour them right or wrong, good or bad, and then often we hold them in place.

My work helping people to heal completely from grief after a death is ultimately all about stories. The version of the story you are telling currently may paint the death, and circumstances around it, in ways that are painful for you. But you likely haven’t looked at the whole picture. When people open their eyes and minds, ask different questions and find better answers, the stories start to shift.

There is beauty and meaning in EVERY death story. The trick is being able to look deeply enough to find it.


…you must be willing to see a different story.

You must be willing to accept that maybe your version of the story at the moment i.e. “they shouldn’t have died that way”, “they shouldn’t have died then”, “they should’ve lived longer”, “I should’ve been there” (or even that “they shouldn’t have died at all”) isn’t the only version available. It’s just the way you are seeing it now, and there most certainly is another (better) story available to you.

But only if you’re willing to allow it.

If you are utterly determined that your version is right and true and the only version available…then you can’t see the story in a different way. And then you can’t heal.

So you can be ‘right’ or you can heal. It’s your choice.

Know that the version of the story of death and grief you are currently telling is just one version (and almost certainly not the best version!), seen through all the different lenses you wear.

Be flexible. Be curious. Be willing to see another story. Be willing to release your tight grip on the current story you’re telling. There is a much better one available to you.