There are no holes. There are no spaces.
One of the biggest learnings that came in my healing process after my dad’s death was truly seeing that we really do only see what we focus on. We only see what we are looking for.
After Dad died I, as many do and as we have been conditioned to do, saw my family as smaller. Less. Diminished. We went from 4 to 3 and the impact was obvious.
It wasn’t until it was suggested to me to look around and see instead how things had CHANGED that I could see the picture differently and see how it TRULY was.
We weren’t less. We weren’t diminished. We were very changed. Our roles and relationships had all shifted. The roles we had in relation to each other and the roles we had in relation to ourselves. We had all grown and changed in different ways (and were still growing and changing) and our family was simply DIFFERENT. Beautifully different. There was nothing missing.
Life is like water – it’s all very fluid and flows together. If you dip a bucket in a river and take it out there isn’t a distinct bucket shaped hole in the river. No, the water has rushed in immediately to fill that hole. Likewise when someone dies.
Everything moves and changes, especially after a big event like a death. You change. Your family changes. Your relationships change. There are no holes and spaces.
BUT YOU HAVE TO LOOK. And if you aren’t looking you won’t see.
So start looking for how things have shifted and changed (and no, not just for the worse). How seemingly empty spaces have been filled. How things have flowed. It’s all there for you to see right now – it just takes your committed curiosity and enquiry.
Kristie
xx
